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25 April 2011 @ 09:24 am
Hello world  

Hello world my name is EmeraldDeathBoar or just EDB for short, I have finally decided to actually contribute to KuroxFai instead of just lurking around like a creepy stalker person. I don't think I know anybody here so I decided what better way to break the ice then with a little bit of crack from a crack fic. Hope you enjoy ^_^




 

Hello and welcome to Crackland, hope you enjoy your stay and I encourage you to visit again


 

Chapter One~ WiFai: What happens when Kurogane accidentally infects his computer with a blonde haired blue eyed virus
Warnings~ Non I can find except for Kurogane's language


Kurogane Suwa was not the type to decorate his house with things that had no use in his everyday life. According to him if an item would just sit in the corner of his room and collect dust then he would just get rid of it, even if said item had sentimental value or even if it was just for decoration and supposed to collect dust. Really if something did not have any use why keep it?


"Hey Kurogane why do you never use the computer you have in your room?”


"Because what do I need a stupid computer for? It just takes up space,” Kurogane answered. It was twelve o'clock in the afternoon the exact time lunch break started at construction site that Kurogane worked at. He had sat down not too long ago with his partner Soma and they began to eat.


"Well you know how you said that you don't keep anything that just takes up space... I was just wondering if you would let me have it?” Soma replied. Kurogane turned to look at her of course she would want his computer almost everyone he met did. He was lucky (or unlucky as he would say) enough to be best friends with the head of one of the most popular computer designing companies in the world and she made sure to give him the most ridiculous over expensive popular model she had for free.


"I can't Tomoyo said she wants me to keep it and that if I don't then she will personally make my life a living hell.”


"Wow isn’t that blackmail?” Soma asked.


"Yeah never put it past Tomoyo to do something like that,” the male grumbled, “She said that she wanted me to experience the wonders of the online world whatever the hell that means.” Kurogane finished finally taking a big bite of the food he had sitting in his lap the entire time he had been talking.


"You know I think that was very sweet of her, you should at least try it out. You know to make Tomoyo happy, plus if you do start using it then it won't just be useless.” Soma reasoned with the taller.


"You really think it will make her less of a bitch?” Kurogane asked thoughtfully as if the answer to the universe just fell into his hands.


"Well I guess that's one way of putting it...” Soma sighed, Kurogane really never changed, he was always so brutish and unrefined.


"Alright then tonight I'll use the computer for the first time.”


0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


 

Kurogane was now face to face with the incarnation of pure evil also known as a computer. Alright then how do you turn this thing on? He thought to himself. Finally after ten minutes of investigation he figured out that there was a small button on the side of the monitor.


 

Suddenly the computer sprang to life, bright colors flashed everywhere and Kurogane suddenly remembered why he was always avoided this device, silently sighing he waited for the computer to finish loading. Once it did he looked at all of the junk that Tomoyo had already put on his desktop. Folders filled the screen and Kurogane not wanting to even look at any of them he clicked on the only thing that looked familiar to him, the icon a picture of the world with a small fox was surrounding it.


 

Welcome to Firefox, the computer read after he clicked on the picture. So this must be the internet, Kurogane reasoned. Quietly he began to internet surf, there was nothing that he really wanted to search so he found himself looking up random topics like How to Tame a Lion or Give that boat of yours a nice waxing.


He was getting bored and told himself that he was going to turn off the computer if he did not find anything interesting in the next four minutes. As if some celestial being was listing to his thoughts the second he clicked onto a website about pickled eggplants something strange happened, another window besides the one about food popped up-- it read...


 

CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE THE 1000000TH VISITOR OF THIS SITE

 

~~~~~<>~~~~~

 

*CLICK HERE TO RECEIVE YOUR MILLION DOLLAR AWARD*


 

Kurogane was shocked this was the first time he had ever won anything in his life, was this all true? was he really going to receive a million dollars? Maybe it was not such a bad idea to get on the computer. Just the though of what he could do with that money was enough to make him eagerly click on the CLICK HERE button.


However the second he did so something strange happened instead of it taking him to a site where he could get the money his entire computer froze, strange colors appeared on his screen as another window suddenly popped up. This one did not carry any good news.


 

Warning virus detected


The message said along with an entire page full of fine print about the threat.


 

Trojan horse detected


 

What the hell is a Trojan horse! Kurogane was now panicking although he did not know much about computer he defiantly knew viruses were bad.


 

Ten Trojan horses detected


 

Ah shit.......


 

One Hundred Trojan horses detected


 

Kurogane now in confused rage did the only thing he thought would fix the problem, he turned off the computer. Slowly regaining his breath and scattered wits he decided that the best course of action was to turn the computer back on and check out the damage. He pushed the on button once again silently hoping that everything would be okay. Tomoyo is going to kill me if the computer is ruined!


 

Slowly the computer stared up again once it finished loading it took Kurogane back to his desktop page, he scanned the entirety of the computer looking for effects of the viruses but found nothing, Does not look like there is anything out of the ordinary, he thought to himself.

Kurogane let out a relieved sigh, it seems he did the right thing. He was about to close the computer screen when something random happened. A figure which looked like one of a human walked across the screen of his computer. Rubbing his eyes to see if he was hallucinating he got a closer look at the figure. It was a blonde man with blue eyes, he was about the size of one of the desktop icons and he seemed to be inside the computer.


"Hey why are you staring at me?” the man asked as if it were perfectly normal to be inside a computer.


"What the hell?!” Kurogane found himself saying, “How the hell are you in my computer?! How did you get here?! Who are you?!”


The blonde figure turned his head to the side like a confused kitten as he jumped onto one of the file folder on Kurogane's desktop trying to climb to the top of the screen so that he would be about eye level with the other. “What do you mean how did I get here? You invited me to come when all of the ponies came to play, now its just me though, I got rid of the ponies because they were causing some major trouble for your computer. I'm glad you asked who I am since I really hear that no one cares for my kind, I'm a F.A.Y but most people just call me Fai.”


 

He came with the Trojan horses? Then does that mean.... “Are you another virus?” Kurogane asked narrowing his eyes.


"Wow you're so smart, yes I am a virus-- thank you for inviting me to come to your computer it was really lonely with just the ponies. They are not good company, all they ever do is stand around and pretend to be made of wood. So might I ask your name?”


"Its Kurogane,” the raven said before he could catch himself. He really did not want to tell the virus anything, the one rule to know about computers is that viruses are never good to have around.


"Kurogane? Hmm I never heard that name before, it sounds so dark and scary how about I call you something else?”


"No” Kurogane immediately responded.


"How about Kuro-rin or Kuro-tan?” the blonde asked.


Kurogane felt the need to smack the computer screen, maybe if he hit it hard enough then it would hurt the virus as well. “CALL ME KUROGANE NOTHING ELSE!” he boomed.


"Hehehe Kuro-chi is very funny,” Fai giggled.


"If your going to call me that then I'm just going to turn off the computer!” The raven threatened.


"Oh well I'm sorry to break it to you Kuro-quit but I won't let you do that,” the virus said mysteriously.


"Like I need your permission to use MY computer,” Kurogane snapped back as he dragged the mouse towards the shut down button at the bottom of the screen. Suddenly in a blur of moves to fast to keep track of Fai jumped over from his spot on a icon to the mouse and held on to it tightly redirecting the mouse away from the shut down button. “Hey what the hell are you doing?!”


 

"I'm making sure that you don't turn off the computer, how can I talk to my new favorite buddy if I can't see or hear him?” Fai asked.


"Your on my computer so you have to do what I say!” Kurogane demanded.


The virus hummed softly, “Not exactly Kuro-smart, you forget I'm a virus I can do what ever I want to a computer and its not like you can stop me.”


The raven then knew that the virus was going to be nothing but trouble-- he sighed, “What are you going to do then?”


"I don't know....... ooo wait a moment how about we play hide and go seek?” The blonde asked with enthusiasm that really should have belonged to an eight year old child.


"Oh hell no I'm not going to-” Kurogane was interrupted, by Fai speaking again.


"Alright then, Kuro-san you're going to have to find me!” and with that last sentence the blonde disappeared.


Kurogane really did not want to go looking for an idiot virus but he figured that if he did not Fai would mess up something of his for not trying to find him.


It took him about thirty minutes to look through all of the files he had on the computer-- the only one he did not open was the one he was avoiding for obvious reasons, it was titled Childhood Memories. He let out a soft sigh as he clicked on the file folder. He immediately saw Fai the second it was opened-- the blond was looking at a few of the pictures in the folder smiling as he did so. Kurogane could not see why Fai had such an amused look on his face until he spotted what exactly was on the picture. It was a photo of himself when he was about three years old, his back was turned to the camera and he was not wearing any clothes.


"Aww Kuro-kid looked so cute when he was little,” The virus teased as he let out a small giggle.


Kurogane could not hold back a blush as he cursed his parents for taking that picture of him, Tomoyo for putting that picture on his computer and the blonde for looking at such a thing, “That's it blondie!” The raven growled as he moved the mouse towards Fai clicked on him and dragged him into the trash bin.


Fai giggled some more as he poked his head out of the can, the lid balancing on his head like a hat. “You can't get rid of me that easily,” he stated factually.


"Then maybe I should just get rid of this computer, smash it up into little bits with you along with it!” he replied harshly.


This comment immediately stopped Fai's laughter, his blue eyes widened as he sunk back down into the bin. It was then that Kurogane felt like the biggest asshole in the world, he saw the look on Fai's face-- it was one of pure hurt.


Kurogane knew he was going to have to apologize, virus or not this F.A.Y seemed to have feelings and although the raven did seem like a brute at times he did not really like to purposely hurt people. Deciding what he was going to say he double clicked on the trash bin to find the blonde inside of it crying.


Fai looked up at him, teary eyes made contact with red ones, “Look blondie I didn’t mean It, I just-”

"Of course you meant it, I understand were you're coming from-- I mean who would want a virus bothering them? I'm just meant to destroy, it is the only reason I exist. I'm terrible, really the only fitting thing for me is to be deleted.”


Kurogane for the first time wished that he could enter his computer so that he could smack the idiot virus upside the head, “Are you trying to be an idiot or are you just a natural dumb ass? Who cares if you were just made to destroy that does not mean you have to do it. Just being created is not a reason to think that you have to be deleted!”


"Kurogane?” Fai whispered softly, “You really think so?”


"Of course I do! And it's about time you called me my real name.”


"Oh Kuro-sama don't get used to it, that was a once in a life time event,” Fai gave a soft smile as he climbed out of the trash bin and back onto the desktop. “Thank you for telling me what you thought. I'm am very grateful.” the blonde gave a small bow as he finished speaking.


Kurogane blushed a bit again, “Whatever just go hide again and I'll find you.”


"Alright, but this time it won't be so easy, I don't think you will be able to find me~” Fai teased.


"Watch me.” Kurogane smirked, maybe having a virus around was not so bad.


Ah if only all viruses were as awesome as Fai is, then I would not care if I got any :D

 
 
Current Location: Candyland
Current Mood: accomplished
 
 
 
Yann Loves Gabriel: clampylg on April 25th, 2011 04:59 pm (UTC)
LJ-cut, please?
Pidge: >Konata: meme? in my keywords?hellzabeth on April 25th, 2011 06:08 pm (UTC)
For entries as long as this, an LJ cut would be nice! To see how to make one, go here.
emeraldeathboaremeraldeathboar on April 25th, 2011 06:50 pm (UTC)
thanks
Thank you so very much
emeraldeathboaremeraldeathboar on April 25th, 2011 07:12 pm (UTC)
ps
I'm am very grateful you showed me how to put it under an LJ cut, i did not know how to do it before *bows to you*
truedespair69truedespair69 on April 25th, 2011 11:29 pm (UTC)
Hey~! I'm glad that you finally post some KuroFai here~! ^__^

Man, Kuro is so freaking lucky. I want F.A.Y as my virus! I don't care if he is one, I want him! XD

And the story itself was just adorable.

Hope to see more~! ^__^


---TrueDespair69